Living for Heaven

I need to write this out.  I don’t know why, but I feel I am at the cusp of understanding something profound and I need to get to the bottom of it.  I feel depressed and sad and it has to do with this cusp.

Let’s start at the beginning.  We will only be happy when we do what God has asked of us.  However, we will never be fulfilled because we weren’t built to be fulfilled on earth.  There will always be a longing to be fulfilled regardless because our souls are meant for eternity.  But, I believe that we can have peace and joy in that longing when we fix out hearts on God.  This is in stark contrast to the sadness and depression of longing for the things of earth.

When we long for earthly things, we acknowledge at some level that we might not see come to fruition whatever it is we long for.  This is because everything that we want here below (money, honor, and pleasure) are temporary and will eventually fade away.  Therefore, if we think that it will fulfill us, we feel a strong desire to pursue it right away lest it fades away.  Once it fades, we can’t obtain it and feel like we are missing something.  That’s why when our hearts are fixed on something of this earth and it is too far away, we find ourselves at depression’s door.  Or, even if we are successful in our goal, we will soon tire of it and set our heart on another impermanent goal.  Then we wonder if we will ever be fulfilled.  We won’t find peace or joy.

In contrast, Christian longing is one of peace and joy because what we long for, we know will come to fruition.  And unlike the things of earth, it will never fade.  The only requirement is that we need to persevere.  The only goal that matters is for us to be in heaven with God, where our souls were meant to be.  We secure this by doing God’s will for our individual lives and entrusting our numerous failings to God’s mercy.  Setting our hearts on God and trusting in His mercy, we know with certainty that we will be fulfilled.  It is then a matter of when, not if.

However, even with the best of intentions, if we hold onto desires for things of this earth, we will struggle with sadness, depression, and emptiness.  In short, if there is any sinful desire comingled with our heavenly goal, these negative emotions will come to roost.

Back to our case study: I have stated that I am on a journey to unjobbing from the corporate world.  Why?  Because I feel that this is God’s will for me. At least I say it is.  The thing is, I say it is because I have made observations about my proclivities and talents and came to a rational conclusion.  However, there is a part of the equation that I didn’t state.  I have earthly reasons for unjobbing.  Sinful reasons that hold me back from doing it with joy.

When I say sinful, it is not the salacious type sin that we see in the press.  In fact it is the sin that is celebrated on earth even among the most “upstandingest” of citizens.  It is a craving of human respect and the pride that fuels. 

When I look at my work as a musician or as a blogger (the only two public unjobs that I currently do), I do struggle with the utter lack of listeners or readers.  It feels flat not having people tell me that it is good or that I made a difference in their lives.  The only people that I hear anything like that from (and I do appreciate it) are my wife, my children, and my wife’s extended family.  I don’t hear anything like that from my own family of origin.  And I definitely don’t hear that from strangers.  Except every now and again about some of my sketches during earnings calls and the like.

I am sad and depressed because of the lack of respect from people.  But what I should be more concerned about is what does God think of this?  People and fancies come and go; God is eternal.  God does not care if what I have done is done to a certain standard only that I have done what He asks.  He might call me to paint, and I may live my whole life in obscurity, and I die.  My work may never ever be given any acclamation even after my death.  But if I did it for God, then I won the only praise I need. 

It is tough.  People are all around us.  The worldly call to fame and fortune is on everyone’s lips, every TV, every radio, every song – everywhere.  God is silent.  It is hard to reassure ourselves of our hearts desire if it gets drowned out by noise.  That’s why prayer is necessary for us.

In terms of unjobbing, what does this mean?  I need to do what God is asking me to do right now, without question.  Considering I still have a corporate job, I need to do that.  Considering that I have the time and the drive to create, I need to do that.  I need to stay in prayer about both of these so that I know when or if I need to make a change in either.  It is possible that I will never make it out of the corporate world.  And if that is God’s plan, I need to be OK with that, or I will see more sadness and depression (and an extended stay in purgatory). 

Basically, God could call me to scoop poop for the rest of my life for meager pay, and for the sake of my soul, I need to accept it.  And in so doing, I will find joy and peace because no longer will the sinful desires of the world be hooked into my flesh.  No, I will be living for heaven.

Before ending off, and I feel that I need to add this, by being unknown, God has delivered me from a cross that I might not be able to bear, at least not yet and maybe ever.  Human respect carries with it a force that can change the most sincere of hearts and corrupt the most pure.  For us to go through life without an iota of honor or a penny to our name and be at peace – imagine how sweet heaven will be.  Woe to those that are exalted on the earth and bestowed treasure – for their path to heaven is increasingly narrow.

I am glad that I am going to adoration this afternoon – I’ve got a lot on my mind.

God bless,

Sven