Anyone who has been following this blog knows that I have a
tendency – a strong tendency – to live with my head in the clouds with little
recognition of the fact that I cannot fly.
I like to talk about how things should
be or where I would ideally like to be or where I would ideally fit. I began this journey under the assumption
that I needed to be an unbound
creative person outside of Corporate America.
But doing that work for its own good is not sustainable. I can’t do that as a job for very long before
destitution sets in. Even so, there is a
strong temptation to bet the farm and throw the chips into the wind (as long as
they aren’t Pringles!) and see what happens.
The starving artist stereotype exists for a reason.
Because I have children and a wife that depend on me, that
put a damper on my self-imposed destitution and created motivation to
sacrifice in order to provide for others.
So I have to connect my head in the clouds with my feet on the street.
I had a realization not long ago (I think that it was before
this nasty flu/cold bug that we got in March).
I know that I have been talking about not really being an actuary or not
feeling like I am an actuary; I’ve been presenting myself as a frustrated
freespirit trapped by Corporate America because of my needs and the needs of
others. But maybe that isn’t totally
accurate.
I got into actuarial science because it touted itself as a
career for creative people; you needed to be creative in order to solve these
problems. And, when I look back at it, I
realize that I have had opportunities like that and they have been good for
me. I liked doing them, and I did well.
A recent-ish event at work helped illustrate this point. We had a complicated issue come up that
required a little bit of “outside of the box” thinking. Not much really, but it was a situation that
just did not come up before so everyone in my group was intimidated by it. So, seeing the opportunity, I spearheaded the
mini-project in order to come up with a solution. It required building a mini model to see what
the effect of the new situation was, and I had a blast. Well as much as one can in a cube – but I did
enjoy building the model and sharing with my colleagues. To my surprise, it was well received, and we
were able to implement the mini-model.
What this illustrated to me was simply that I shouldn’t
throw the baby out with the bathwater as far as actuarial science is
concerned. At least not yet. Maybe there still is a place out there where
I can be fulfilled doing actuarial work – or at least like what I am
doing. Maybe this bug to unjob is really
an emotional reaction to poor emotional relations with the current work that I
do, not the work I could be doing. Maybe if I liked what I was doing at work,
then I would be more content to keep being an actuary and be content with music
and writing as a pure creative outlet on the side. Maybe…
But that is the whole thing – this is a journey. And when I began this journey, I knew that I
had to find a path to fulfillment. In
the scientific process that is called the “purpose” of the experiment. Then, I stated my “hypothesis” that unjobbing
is the route to fulfillment. So, having
only this hypothesis, I started the journey to unjobbing. It is possible that my hypothesis is wrong,
but as long as the purpose is fulfilled, I’ll be happy. Ultimately, that is what I want to do –
fulfill the purpose that God gave me.
And in order to do that I have to be honest with myself - I
need to make sure that my head in the clouds is connected to those feet on the
street.
God bless,
Sven
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